[March 9th, 2005] if I'm manic, I don't want to know how much money GlaxoSmithKline would make if I was diagnosed. depression is a symptom of a society that's failed us. my children will not grow up in a prison. quit your stupid jobs you stupid slaves. support yourself or get extorted. rally for the cause and get used for the opposite. stay home, avoid a headache and it only gets worse. dying on the way to the job you chuckled at some graffiti on a billboard, wrote it off, with a retired bible for a conscience. you will have a perfect life, you must have a perfect life. if you refuse to accept thanksgiving celebrations, there is no medication when you feel like a knife. everything is as it seems, a hologram stronger than we think we are, filled with exhaustion, the masses and their opiates: radio, religion, and fashion. this is a crisis, let's go to the beach, walk into the ocean and secede. when the thermometer threatens to boil to exertion and invites sunstroke. at that time life almost means ice because the desert is cold. here's news: "freedom banker invades lowest price field, inventing a new car for a new world. do you value quality and comfort as well as agility and speed? would you rather have a safe car with no dreams?" no safety in dreams. in london they warn you when the doors are about to be closed. where i'm from they tell you after the fact. the mayflower and pinta were slavery ships. they say I'm cynical as they do it to themselves. this is a crisis, let's go to the beach, walk into the ocean and secede. my ex-governor is an ex-nazi's son. save the defecit: sue the indians up a tree, at the office in my bedroom, on the underground, in the park with elvis, in nicaragua, blindfolded in my bedroom. here everything is perfect. ice cube: "coming with a crazy pitch, and the statue of libery ain't nothing but a lazy bitch." What do you think?

x-posted [October 6th, 2004] maybe someone should tell him how serious I really am. notice how I never had any hostility until, moronically, unforgivable-if-brought-up things were brought up. keep in mind the very real truth that I'm going to actually be there in two months. keep also in mind that I won't be there alone. you should find into a way to curb your e-penis enlarging sarcasm and attempts at wit, you're only giving me more incentive, more drive, to break you in half. go ahead and write this off as an "obsessive lj junkie" making idle threats. I promise you you'd be mistaken to though. 1 What do you think?

[August 18th, 2004] Well, I begin the 21 hour ride to Texas today...I hope I don't die. Please don't fall asleep at the wheel Mother. Or Pop Pop. Oh well. I got her letter today! Hooray! My day just got bearable! She seemed a bit upset about things, but only because outside parties see it fit to attempt to complicate things. They think it's fun to try to retain a grip over her. The way she was talking yesterday eased my mind though, she's alright now. No more worried than I am about anything. We're especially sure about dickfaces who can't seem to grasp the idea that they're not welcome. I'm wearing new clothes, aside from my old underwear and a half-wet sock from the dryer. I have on the Funeral For a Friend shirt I got yesterday, plus a pair of Old Navy pants I got. Fun stuff. I feel ok, college is going to go alright for me. 6 What do you think?

[August 17th, 2004] ( boo ) ...I was bored. Jesse, PLEASE fill this out, your opinion is SO important to me, I can't go a day without knowing how you feel about my every move. 3 What do you think?

[August 17th, 2004] I guess he really does like drama. Just note, he initiated the conversation, only to say "ha" as if I would actually concern myself with his childish insults. Go on Mr Johnson, try to get more drama, I bet you're hungry. ( For some reason, he insists on talking to me? ) Go with peace, oh poor and misguided soul. One day reality will strike and you'll grow up, I promise. 3 What do you think?

[August 15th, 2004] ( Krista confusion ) 5 What do you think?

[August 13th, 2004] [ music | Funeral For a Friend - Escape Artists Never Die ] To anyone who thinks I'm all "OMFG I'M DATING AMANDA", I'm not, and you're retarded for thinking that. I've made it clear that we're not going to hold out for eachother or anything, that would be absurd. We're not declaring a damn thing until we're in closer proximity to eachother, stupid. The only thing that we did was tell eachother that there were still feelings there, not that "we're dating" or something. Don't be a stupid overdramatic prick. 10 What do you think?

[August 13th, 2004] ( Dead brothers and dead lovers ) Funny part is, it's all true. 4 What do you think?

[August 12th, 2004] Hm... Poor guy. As I've said, she's fucking 14, she has NO IDEA what she wants. Which is why I got far away. I thought about apologizing to her, but after she made such a big deal about her "wonderful new guy" and then she goes and turns tricks with his friend, fuck that. 8 What do you think?

my heart is beating your face [August 12th, 2004] [ mood | naked on webcam ] [ music | Eyedea & Abilities - Bigshot ] Haha, interesting conversation with some ignorant cunt on msn. Too bad I closed it before I copied it. She proved to be ignorant, claiming that Jimmy Urine from MSI was the best rapper ever. And the best singer ever. She also said something that aroused a bit of laughter. A lot. I was playing stupid, and whether or not she bought it, when I asked "Who's Kris? Is she your friend?" she said something along the lines of "sort of." Then I asked about David and she said "he's a jackhole." Jackhole. That's a new one. So, now I bring the question, if Kris is just "sort of" your friend, then why all the fuss about what goes on between me and her? You brought yourself into it, I didn't bring you. It's either that or Kris asked you for help, thus making her an even weaker person than I thought. Add to that her tatooing my name into her hip, and you have the perfect example of a neurotic fool who needs a large dose of counseling and an even larger dose of reality. 4 What do you think?

[August 11th, 2004] ( FFAF Pics ) I got to talk to them, they were cool as shit. 9 What do you think?

Projekt Revolution [August 11th, 2004] Downset sucked. No Warning was fucking insane, they tore that fucking place up. Funeral For A Friend was...let's just say I got teary when they started playing, and didn't stop getting teary until after I'd shaken all their hands and told them how fucking incredible the show was. Ghostface and Snoop were typical gangster rap - bad. Korn was repetetive and boring. Linkin Park was a good show, but I liked FFAF's the most. 2 What do you think?

In case you haven't seen [August 10th, 2004] [ mood | pwning ] [ music | Sage Francis - Runaways ] ( For those of you who don't know ) I especially like how I start off the email leading her to believe I'm sorry, when in reality I'm not. I'm not sorry and I don't regret a thing, because I'm happier than I've ever been. I figured I'd have a little fun with her while I'm still in Virginia. I actually may be going down to North Carolina with Mitch and Josh later this week or sometime next week. Maybe I'll run into her and her "posse" or something, and can set the record straight with all of her "friends," so she'll be able to weed out the ones who want to fuck/rape her from the ones who are only there to justify their own existence. In other news, Amanda's in Puerto Rico. She called me? Yes indeed. I'm going to buy a phone card soon and call her ass, because, as I made clear when I was drunk, I do love her. But fuck you all if you think I'm just running back to her or anything, because she's a friend first and foremost. She always will be, because she and I have history and a connection, whether or not we've known eachother for several years, 10 months is enough that I know her and she knows me. We finish eachother's sentences, have an ESP-like sense of when the other is down, and could honestly communicate in grunts and yelps. If you took that sexually, fuck off, because our relationship was never about anything physical. 60 What do you think?

[August 7th, 2004] leave and take me with you, take me I'll still be chasing you I'm holding you, holding you close to me you were my enemy but now you're my friend 2 What do you think?

[August 7th, 2004] I called her at 1 here, 7 her time? Sam says I did, but I truly do not remember. Haha. I hope I did. Because now she's in Puerto Rico and I won't talk to her for a while. DAMNIT I miss her already. 5 What do you think?

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